‘Men are born for each other's sake, so either teach people or endure them’
Marcus Aurelius, "Excerpts from the Diaries"
Each couple has its own unique story. Its script often changes - from romance to drama or tragedy, and vice versa. Each partner chooses his or her role in this scenario, thus forming the story of their life.
When John Gottman, an American psychologist and founder of the Institute for Relationship Studies was asked by journalists what is the most common thing couples fight about, he invariably answered: “Nothing. All quarrels arise from scratch”. Gottman considers betrayal to be the main poison spoiling the magic of love, and the most effective antidote to it is trust.
Trust is one of the key indicators that a relationship has a future. But what if there is no more trust? What if you no longer trust your spouse or partner?
Couples therapy is a challenging but rewarding process. As we work, we focus on a deep personal experience; on understanding and respect. The main question is whether the position of each of the partners corresponds to his true inner desires? Based on this, we find a mutual solution.
Couples therapy in existential analysis is carried out as follows:
- The most important thing is to bring each of the partners to the point where one can freely and openly express what is important to them and what they really care about.
- To help to understand what his or her partner needs and what exactly he or she says.
- To help to come to interaction with each other. At this stage, each partner says what they need themselves and what, in their opinion, the other needs. It is important that partners learn to maintain their own position in the presence of each other, and also understand what is important for each of them and what they would like to isolate themselves from. Based on this, one can enter into a dialogue.
- To realize what each of the partners can do for the other and for the relationship as a whole. Then the partners can make a decision: is what they are ready to receive and give to each other a sufficient foundation for living together?
It is important to understand that good couples therapy can lead to a clear understanding of a future life together. But it can also lead to a calm, peaceful breakup. We cannot know this in advance. It depends on the resources, abilities and feelings that one brings to the relationship.
When partners are able to build relationships, love each other and want to live together, but do not know how to deal with disagreements and obstacles, psychotherapy is very useful.
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